Thomas asked, “But how can we know the way.” Jesus answered, I am the way, the truth, and the life and no man come to the Father, but by me.

John 14:6

When I was younger, I dreamed of being able to make my own choices and live my own life. However, as I began adulting, I became overwhelmed with the amount of decisions that had to be made on a daily basis in order for my life to “stay on track.” What school do I go to? Should I leave this job? Is this the one? Does deodorant cause cancer? Should I turn right or left to get to the house? It was revealed to me that my response to having too many decisions is to SHUT down and not make any. In fact, I would grab a cigarette, blunt, or black and mild-mild (plastic tip) to help me to turn off the decisions I had to make daily. Escape. I learned to escape very well.

When I did finally have to make decisions, I would be beset with irritation and frustration because I didn’t have all of the answers. Confusion ran rampant as life’s trials and decisions became layered with more flavor of responsibility. I ran to my Mom and Dad vying to learn all of life’s secrets and the answer to the questions, but they couldn’t give me an answer that satisfied my soul. So, I asked God some questions:

But, I never silenced my brain long enough to hear any answers and instead I found myself assured of my path in one season and then the next month or week my mind is wandering around again lost –looking for clarity. I would ask God again, “Where am I going, and how do I get there.” I was confused that I ended up in that cycle over and over again.

For example, I graduated from my undergraduate degree program in Psychology at the top of my class. I thoroughly enjoyed the work and excelled freely in all psych-driven courses. When it came time to apply to graduate school, I originally thought to continue to path to being a Psychologist, I began a Masters of Business Administration degree instead. I would struggle for 10 years to complete that degree all to flunk out of one graduate program completely—unable to return.

I found myself wandering around again with no plan or hope for my future. Then, the Lord sent a great mentor of mine from the past to help me hear His voice better. She taught me how to pray from a place of listening instead of responding. I began sitting before the Lord in silence for 5-10 minutes and listening for His answers to my questions. After keeping my mind clear from all of the thoughts that could drown out his voice, I began to hear Him speak:

I said, well I believe in Jesus and I still don’t know the way. And God answered, what about your life shows that you believe in Him? That question really made me think? How was I living for Jesus. I do pray I said, but my prayers are all about me and what I need or my family needs. I was really into church when I started school and reading the Word and studying the scriptures, but life got really busy. I am not really into church anymore and I haven’t been able to read the Word like I used to, but I am still a believer of Jesus. It was as I was defending myself where it became clear that my relationship with Jesus was in trouble, which impacted my relationship with God the Father.

I began reading and studying the Bible again, and was led to an amazing church, and created a prayer closet in my home. I began to set aside time for devotion again and spending time with Jesus became the most important aspect of my life again. I knew now to come before Him with questions and not just petitions. And He began to share the plan and path for my life in detail, but in phases. I didn’t get the whole plan, but I always got the next step.

Surprisingly, (but not really), I am called to be an Educational Psychologist. I am now in a Masters of Psychology program and back on track to fulfilling His plan and purpose for my life. The Father says that

I am so grateful and thankful for His plans and the ability to hear from Him for myself. What about you? Do you know the plans that He has for you? Do you know the way to get and understand those plans? If you don’t know the path and you don’t know the way, then I recommend you find Jesus. I say, you find time to study about Him to live like Him, which will demonstrate your faith in Him as that is the way to the Father. Worship, praise, and devote time to Him. Remember the times you have called on Jesus as demonstration of your faith that He is the Christ, your Savior, and your Redeemer. Do not forget about the power that the name of Jesus holds and how faith is what pleases God. You have to believe. Your life must show fruit that you believe Jesus is the Way, you know, He is the Way, the truth, and the Life and no man come to the Father, but by Him.

When I was thirty-three, I was underwhelmed in my state job at the time and grew weary reading about so many areas of the world stricken by poverty and violence. I asked God, what can I do to help? I just felt there was more to my life and I didn’t know my purpose for being here. I felt called to do something more, and act on my passion to “save the world.” I felt the Lord as I was searching online for another job.

I felt led to sign up for the North Carolina Teaching Corps to teach children living in areas with wealth challenges. The program boasted of the fact that a degree in education wasn’t required, but any degree would do. I needed a letter of recommendation and I asked my coworker, Jill, for one. She said she would give me a recommendation, but also sent me a link to the National Teaching Corps, Teach for America. Teach For America’s mission was to end educational inequity for all children regardless of race, gender, or economic status. The program required (at the time) 6 weeks teacher training in the Mississippi Delta.

I would have to leave my state salaried job and be unemployed for six weeks while I trained. Also, I would have to leave my husband and two small children for six weeks without having an income. Then, after training I would have to apply at a public school in North Carolina and be paid less then I was currently making on top of teaching in the underserved area. To say this was a huge commitment was an understatement, but I felt the call on my life. My mind wandered back to my childhood when I played the teacher to my friends and brother–assigning homework and all. 

This move took, what I call AMAZING FAITH and reminded me of the Centurion, a Roman official’s faith in the Bible. The Roman official’s servant was sick and he sent elders to Jesus to ask for his servant’s healing. Jesus went with them and was close to the Centurion’s house when the Centurion’s friends asked Jesus not to come. The friends said that the Centurion believed that all Jesus had to do was say the word and his servant would be healed. Jesus was amazed by his faith as it states in Luke 7:9-10:

Now when Jesus heard this, He was amazed at him, and turned and said to the crowd that was following Him, “I say to you, not even in Israel have I found such great faith.” 10 And when those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the slave in good health.

Luke 7:9-10

This is the type of faith that led me to Mississippi. I amazed God at that type of move, that type of risk, that type of change because he asked me. I didn’t know how all of the bills would get paid without my income, or how my husband and children would cope with my leaving for six weeks. I didn’t know what my parents or friends would think. I didn’t know how to teach, I wasn’t even qualified by the actual standards.

But, I also didn’t know, was that I would be nominated for First Year Teacher of the Year, and my students would score #1 in the district in 8th grade reading. I didn’t know that my students would self-publish their own books, and make the front page of the local newspaper. I didn’t know that we would bring white families and children to what was known as the “black” library. I didn’t know that so many children, school staff, and communities would be forever transformed by the change that one faithful teacher could do.

I didn’t know that in Mississippi, I would meet people that because of their own faith in God, discipled me, prayed for me and cared for me enough for me to change. It would be almost 7 years later that the fruit of that faithful trip to Mississippi would be fully known. That faithful trip led me to my purpose and turned my pain from the ills of the world to a passion for intercession. I was not only called to teach, but to intercede for those cities, families, children, and even nations that burdened by spirit. I had to have FAITH, Faith that would even amaze God, that would even have Jesus say “not in all of Israel had he seen such Faith.” 

That is the type of faith that he is calling us all to have. Faith that would amaze him. Faith that would move him. Faith is the only thing that moves God. We have to believe that He can do it. We have to believe that all He has to do is say the word and it will be done. All He has to do is say the word and we are healed, our mother is healed, our children are healed, our spouses are healed. All Jesus has to do is say the word and our finances are blessed, our home is blessed, our next step is blessed. We have to believe that our Faith is what makes us whole. It is our faith by which we are healed and saved. It is by our faith that we are redeemed and restored and even by which our friends and family are healed, saved, redeemed, and restored. So, I ask again, what type of faith do you have? 

I was so afraid of dying. I remember thinking about death a lot growing up and how final it is and was. I would weep for the victims of violence and struggle with the finality and surety of death. I didn’t want my life or anyone else’s life to end EVER. I knew that living forever was really what I was searching for because I did not believe that there was any place or state of being after death. It would be the end and the very essence of me, and my soul and spirit would cease to exist and I would never experience this life or anything better.

As you can imagine, I struggled with coping with the loss of my family members and absolutely in no way shape or form did I have the emotional intelligence to support others going through grief and loss.

I asked God, why do we have to die?

So, I asked “God, Are you saying that all anyone has to do is believe in Jesus and they will live forever?” And He answered yes, “Know Me as the only true God and Jesus Christ whom I have sent” (John 17:3). On my quest to live forever, I submitted my life to Jesus and began reading the Bible more often and praying consistently to keep his commands. This allowed Jesus to send Holy Spirit to help me understand the concept of eternal life. As the Bible reads:

If you love me, keep my commands. And, I will ask the Father to give you another helper called the Spirit of truth to be with you forever” (John 14:15).

Seeking the knowledge of God through belief in Jesus Christ allowed Holy Spirit to guide me into all truth. Holy Spirit began declaring things to me that were to come as heard from Jesus as it states in John 16:13. As my faith increased, I was given deeper revelation about my own purpose in life. Holy Spirit began to refine my identity in Jesus and see God as my Father. As the scripture says, “For as many that are led by the Spirit of God, those are the Sons of God” (Romans 8:28).

I no longer feared death and I gained a new perspective. Gratitude! I started to appreciate everything that I had instead of focusing on something outside of my control. I began living for the day. Not tomorrow, just today. And today all is well. Today I can talk, today I can walk, today I can care for my husband, children and myself. I have the activity of my limbs and my brain can comprehend and express complex thoughts. I am free to LIVE today, I a free to LIVE as who God has called me to be Today.

Faith in God through believing that He loved me enough to give the life of His only Son, so that I may have LIFE and LIFE more abundantly is what extinguished my fear of leaving this life.

Unbridled gratitude began to rise up internally and I started thanking God that through Jesus, I have Life more abundantly. I am loved with a PERFECT love and perfect love eliminates FEAR.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did not fear death for this same reason and stated,

“Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t matter with me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now-MLK Jr.

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I would also pray to live a long life, but what I value more now is that I live every day that I have been given without a worry about when this reality of life will end. Instead I accept the peace in knowing that because God loved me, I will live forever. There is more LIFE than what is on earth. There is a life beyond here. As Jesus tells us in John 14

When I die, I will be with Jesus in His Father’s house where there are many rooms. And I believe that my grandmother Rosa Banton Martin quoted this scripture daily because she believed also. I know that she is with Jesus as He has told us. I believe that she has not perished, but instead continues to live in our Father’s house. All of the family members that I was worried about dying, I now found a new hope that we might all live forever. My focus and perception of life and death has shifted to a belief of life and life more abundantly, of life and gratitude, of life and salvation, of life and redemption.